Today I went to the bank to get copies of some canceled checks and the guy at the desk invited me to sit down. So awkward, but I am getting better at saying things like, "actually... my back is bothering me so I should probably just stand.". As I left he said, "I hope your back feels better!"
The sun was shining. For a moment I was a normal girl with a normal strained back and soon it was going to be better. I would be going out to eat with friends and sitting on the beach for hours. I smiled and said, "thanks," and breezed out the door.
I'm so emotional. At any given moment I'm about 3 negative thoughts away from tears. Today I woke up mourning the fact that there is pain when I get up, pain when I drive, and pain when I open doors that really shouldn't be that heavy. And hope seems to be lost. So I cried I on my way home from the bank.
I desperately want to be able to sit without pain. Imagine trying to have a social life when you can't sit down to a meal, or coffee, or a movie, or a craft night... Even here at home I haven't discovered a way to sit so a friend could come over and we could have a comfortable conversation.
Maybe I will be able to find a recliner that works for me.
I literally can't face life, so I have to take each day as it comes.
All that being said, yes, I don't understand what has happened to me, but God is faithful and His promises are true.
On Sunday I was able to stand through the whole service, even though it was painful. On Tuesday I was praying about how I can't go back to my main job because I can't open the average heavy door. And then during physical therapy I figured it out! Still painful but not so dangerous. Last night at almost 2 am I figured out how to scrub out the kitchen sink without bending! It is now a bright, smooth, shiny white.
Praise and thanks to God who makes all things beautiful in His time.
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